A lady co-worker came up to me today and asked if my wife had had a seizure after seeing the new Twilight movie “Breaking Dawn”. I said what in the world are you talking about? She said that four women had suffered from seizures after seeing the new movie. I replied, seizure? No. Moist panties? Yes. Orgasm? Maybe!
Monday, November 28, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Fluffy Is Coming To ICT!
Comedy Central Presents:
Gabriel Iglesias
Fri, May 18, 2012
Doors: 6:00 pm / Show: 7:00 pm
The Cotillion Ballroom$40 Reserved
Tickets
CLICK HERE to view a reserved seating map of The Cotillion.
http://www.thecotillion.com/event/76397/
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Is Tom Mabe Pulling Our Leg?
Tom Mabe was on the Bob & Tom Show on Monday of this week. They played some of his new "pranks" off of his new CD. They played a "prank" where a telemarketer calls and Tom makes believe that she has called 911 emergency. The other one was entitled "butt dialing" where Tom accidently butt dials a friend when he is receiving a "happy ending" from someone. I thought they were pretty funny, but I cannot help but think that most of his pranks are staged. The most popular "prank" that Bob & Tom play on a revolving basis is where a telemarketer calls in and Mr. Mabe makes believe that it is a gruesome murder scene. I just don't buy it. I think the telemarketer would be much more upset and probably would have hung up in absolute shock. It is a jerk reaction. I could very well be wrong. What do you think dear reader?
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Crying At The Movies
A husband and wife are leaving a movie theater. The wife is crying, “that movie was just so touching, why don’t you ever cry at movies?” The husband replies, I cried before the movie when I was buying the $8 tickets, the $8 buckets of popcorn and the $8 soda’s!
Monday, November 21, 2011
Colored Flags
An elementary school principal makes the morning announcements, “children as you know we are about to start construction on a new cafeteria and three new classrooms. I am sure that you have noticed the construction workers here during recess getting ready to build. As you have seen there are red, blue and yellow flags being placed by these men to mark off the sewer, electrical and water lines that are under the ground. Please do not pull up these flags!” Later in the day the principal received an e-mail from the schools janitor:
Madam Principal Reed, I have a confession to make. I am the one that is pulling up the colored flags out on the playground. I am building a miniature golf course in my backyard for my wife as a birthday present. Ssshh!....it is a surprise. I am really sorry…….I hope that you can forgive me!
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Bob and Tom Comedy All Stars Show Review
The Bob and Tom Comedy All Stars hit the very windy ICT for an appearance at the Cotillion Ballroom last night. The evening was sponsored by KTHR 107.3 FM The Road which airs the nationally syndicated Bob and Tom Show Monday through Fridays from 5 am to 9 am central time in Wichita. http://www.bobandtom.com/ The mood of the crowd was festive as many saddled up to the bars for $20 buckets 'o' beer, assorted strong drinks and normal concert hall food. The crowd was an eclectic array of biker types, red necks, middle aged drunks, comedy nerds (like me) and even some senior citizens. The show was slated to start at 7:30 but was about 15 minutes late. Chick McGee kicked the evening off with a bit of a mean spirited joke towards the very Santa Claus looking JT, the host of KTHR's All Request Saturday Night. http://www.1073theroad.com/ Considering all the abuse that Chick has taken from Tom all these years a guy is bound to snap once in a while! Chick sparred with the audience for a few minutes which culminated with an in depth search of a ladies purse! Chick is my very favorite person on the radio show as we have very much in common; we are fans of losing NFL teams and have a need for anti-depressants! First up we had the infamous Donny Baker with his well known booze, mountain dew and weed infused rants about his Kentuckiana, boat selling, mullet and zumbas colored life. I "swear to God" the crowd really loved Donny Baker (played by B& T show member Ron Sexton).
Shane Mauss then hit the stage with a cerebrally witty, tight and pretty funny set. Highlights included a story about his girlfirend playing with his butt in public places, homophobia, dogs, sex and a very funny one liner about...cancer! This young man is moving up in the ranks of stand-up comedy with a recent cd that Punchline magazine has rated as one of its Top 10 in 2010. http://www.punchlinemagazine.com/ We then had a visit from one of Bob & Tom's well known characters, Kenny Tarmac (also played by Ron Sexton) who "just landed at ICT, shooter". Kenny is that stereotypical annoying business traveler who is always talking the ears off of his fellow air travelers and using his cell phone as soon as the plane hits, well...the tarmac.
The stunningly beautiful and talented April Macie graced the stage next. Her photos on the Bob and Tom website are well known but do not do her justice. She is way more attractive in person. April is a very very naughty girl! Her set consisted entirely of jokes on relationships, oral sex, male and female masturbation and the skunk head colored mohawk dude in the 4th row as well as some other victims in the 500+ crowd! Her set was a huge favorite of all the women in the crowd. The guys also laughed along begrudgingly. April's facial expressions during her set were priceless! I could easily see her as a cast member on Saturday Night Live sometime in the near future. She is that talented! http://www.aprilmacieishilarious.com/ We were then treated to a visit by Floyd The Over The Road Trucker (again played by the very talented Ron Sexton). Floyd is a stereotypical redneck trucker with an affinity for lot lizards, Charlie Daniels and the movie Urban Cowboy. Floyd told some his well known corny jokes and led us all in an accapella version of his hit song "Turtles and Whores". Floyd then introduced the headliner for this show, Tim Wilson. Tim is a big southern gentleman with a BOOMING voice and a LOUD acoustic electric guitar. Tim's set was nothing short of brilliant humor. I don't really go for the Blue Collar/Southern Fried Comedy tour type stuff, but Mr. Wilson is one of my absolute favorites! This man is a talented comedian and musician. Tim has also co-written a non-comedic book about the serial killer Ted Bundy entitled, "Happy New Year, Ted. http://www.timwilsonamerica.com/ . Tim delighted the crowd with his intelligent commentaries about American culture, history and "the way things used to be" that included his tale about "Uncle B.S." Mr. Wilson had a wonderful give and take with the boisterous crowd that included a naive 16 year old boy that according to Tim "don't know nuthin" and "the guy in the back row tryin' to fuck up my comedy show". Mr. Wilson also had a very funny tagline that he used throughout his set, "your gonna learn something tonight". Tim sang many of his best known songs such as " The Sarah Palin Song", "Church League Softball Fist Fight" and "I Could Be Wrong" as well as his many dead-on musical impressions of Neil Young, Greg Allman and Lynyrd Skynyrd. Tim could easily be headlining bigger venues than the Cotillion but I think he enjoys the intimacy of the smaller venues. In my opinion this was the best set of the night! After the show ended the entire cast made themselves available for a meet and greet. It is always nice to chat with your comedic hero's, buy some of their "merch" or get an autograph or photo taken. Thanks Bob and Tom for a really great Friday night in ICT!
Written by Shawn Scott at http://www.aircapitalcomedy.blogspot.com/
Shane Mauss then hit the stage with a cerebrally witty, tight and pretty funny set. Highlights included a story about his girlfirend playing with his butt in public places, homophobia, dogs, sex and a very funny one liner about...cancer! This young man is moving up in the ranks of stand-up comedy with a recent cd that Punchline magazine has rated as one of its Top 10 in 2010. http://www.punchlinemagazine.com/ We then had a visit from one of Bob & Tom's well known characters, Kenny Tarmac (also played by Ron Sexton) who "just landed at ICT, shooter". Kenny is that stereotypical annoying business traveler who is always talking the ears off of his fellow air travelers and using his cell phone as soon as the plane hits, well...the tarmac.
The stunningly beautiful and talented April Macie graced the stage next. Her photos on the Bob and Tom website are well known but do not do her justice. She is way more attractive in person. April is a very very naughty girl! Her set consisted entirely of jokes on relationships, oral sex, male and female masturbation and the skunk head colored mohawk dude in the 4th row as well as some other victims in the 500+ crowd! Her set was a huge favorite of all the women in the crowd. The guys also laughed along begrudgingly. April's facial expressions during her set were priceless! I could easily see her as a cast member on Saturday Night Live sometime in the near future. She is that talented! http://www.aprilmacieishilarious.com/ We were then treated to a visit by Floyd The Over The Road Trucker (again played by the very talented Ron Sexton). Floyd is a stereotypical redneck trucker with an affinity for lot lizards, Charlie Daniels and the movie Urban Cowboy. Floyd told some his well known corny jokes and led us all in an accapella version of his hit song "Turtles and Whores". Floyd then introduced the headliner for this show, Tim Wilson. Tim is a big southern gentleman with a BOOMING voice and a LOUD acoustic electric guitar. Tim's set was nothing short of brilliant humor. I don't really go for the Blue Collar/Southern Fried Comedy tour type stuff, but Mr. Wilson is one of my absolute favorites! This man is a talented comedian and musician. Tim has also co-written a non-comedic book about the serial killer Ted Bundy entitled, "Happy New Year, Ted. http://www.timwilsonamerica.com/ . Tim delighted the crowd with his intelligent commentaries about American culture, history and "the way things used to be" that included his tale about "Uncle B.S." Mr. Wilson had a wonderful give and take with the boisterous crowd that included a naive 16 year old boy that according to Tim "don't know nuthin" and "the guy in the back row tryin' to fuck up my comedy show". Mr. Wilson also had a very funny tagline that he used throughout his set, "your gonna learn something tonight". Tim sang many of his best known songs such as " The Sarah Palin Song", "Church League Softball Fist Fight" and "I Could Be Wrong" as well as his many dead-on musical impressions of Neil Young, Greg Allman and Lynyrd Skynyrd. Tim could easily be headlining bigger venues than the Cotillion but I think he enjoys the intimacy of the smaller venues. In my opinion this was the best set of the night! After the show ended the entire cast made themselves available for a meet and greet. It is always nice to chat with your comedic hero's, buy some of their "merch" or get an autograph or photo taken. Thanks Bob and Tom for a really great Friday night in ICT!
Written by Shawn Scott at http://www.aircapitalcomedy.blogspot.com/
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Nick Swardson Call Yer Office!
Here is an idea sent along anonymously. It is an idea for a skit about the Penn State child molestation scandal. The scene is a boys shower in a middle school or YMCA. Several boys begin to sing a song "you don't give me showers, anymore" (a take off on the Barbara Streisand/ Neil Diamond song). While the boys are singing their part of the duet a dream sequence is shown of the boys point of view (very negative) that follow the words of the song, "you don't sing me love songs". As the boys sequence ends you then see Jerry Sandusky up in a tree wearing camouflage and face paint. He is holding binoculars and peering through them looking at the boys showering with Penn State towels over their shoulders! Jerry then begins to sing the Neil Diamond part of the duet, except his chorus of the song goes, "I don't give you showers anymore" and a different dream sequence from Jerry's point of view (very positive) follow the words of the song. As Jerry is singing the last line of the song, "I don't give you showers.......sniff sniff tears cry.......anymore", you see the police arrive to get Jerry out of the tree and arrest him. The end. Too soon? E-mail us and let us know. Nick are you reading this?
Disclaimer: We of course do not condone child abuse in any form. We are just trying to find humor in an absolutely terrible atrocity! If you see something wrong going on between an adult and a child, REPORT IT TO THE POLICE! Don't just tell your superiors and hope they do something about it. BE PROACTIVE! Go to http://www.rainn.org/ or http://www.missingkids.com/ for more information.
Disclaimer: We of course do not condone child abuse in any form. We are just trying to find humor in an absolutely terrible atrocity! If you see something wrong going on between an adult and a child, REPORT IT TO THE POLICE! Don't just tell your superiors and hope they do something about it. BE PROACTIVE! Go to http://www.rainn.org/ or http://www.missingkids.com/ for more information.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
The Chickster Is Coming To ICT This Friday!
We need to sell this out! Support Stand Up Comedy In Wichita:
BUSCH LIGHT
Bob & Tom Comedy All-Stars
April Macie
Shane Mauss
Tim Wilson
Chick McGee
Donnie Baker, Kenny Tarmac, Floyd the Trucker
Fri, November 18, 2011
Doors: 6:00 pm / Show: 7:30 pm
The Cotillion Ballroom$29.50 reserved
Tickets
CLICK HERE to view a reserved seating map of The Cotillion.
http://www.thecotillion.com/event/67523/Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Bob & Tom Redux: Old Timey Barber Shop
Tom got back on the topic of haircuts and old timey barbershops when he was a kid. I have a few recollections myself. We used to frequent the Indian Hills Barber Shop that was located in what would now be called a strip mall (about 4 blocks from our house). As you entered the first thing you would notice is the bell on the door. The second was the smell of Aqua-Velva, hair cream, witch hazel and cigarettes. The barber chairs had armrests with fliptop ashtrays in them for goodness sake! The floors and windows were kinda dirty like a man's garage or basement workshop. A tv was hanging in one corner and it always had a sporting event or fishing show on it. I swear our barber probably was a bookie on the side and sold moonshine out of the back of his Chrysler. He had a display case below the wall of mirrors that I swear had knives and firearms for sale! Our barber would openly display Playboy along with Field & Stream and Hot Rod magazine. The trick for me as a pre-adolescent boy was to pick up the Field & Stream browse it for a bit and while no one was looking (my Dad most of all) slip the Playboy inside it. This was my first look at the wonderland that is the nude female body and at that moment I knew I liked girls! Cecil would never give you the haircut you wanted or asked for, but he would give you what he thought looked good instead to his aging eyes. It was a simpler time when you only had to worry about being "sanduskied" in the church basement!
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