Welcome To Our Blog!

The Air Capital Comedy blog was created to support the comedy community in the Wichita Metro area and the rest of the comedy world. If you have any jokes, ideas, comments, critiques or would like to submit a written piece please contact us at aircapitalcomedy@yahoo.com and we will publish it unedited. Brevity is the soul of wit but longer essays are always welcomed!

Friday, December 30, 2011

New Undergarment Line?

Attention Hanes, Fruit of the Loom and Victoria’s Secret: here is a free product idea for you. With the dawn of 2012 on the horizon and Amerika fast becoming a national security police state we now have TSA goons strip searching grandmas, fondling little children and eye raping college aged girls with their irradiating Porno-tron 9000 scanners at all the airports in this once freedom loving country. The time is right to introduce an undergarment line with lead lined privacy “shields” or other penetrating x-ray blocking metals that cover the private parts of both female and male consumers.  For the ladies I am envisioning bra and panty combos that cover the nipple/areola area with a circular shield up top and a triangular shield to cover the mommy parts down below. I also envision bra/panty combos with protest messages spelled out covering both top and bottom naughties. It will have to be in the obverse like looking into a mirror so that it can be properly discerned by the scanning TSA agent.  Here are just a few ideas:
Left Breast: Right Breast: Pubic Area: TSA
Left Breast: NOT  Right Breast: YOURS  Pubic Area: TO SEE !
Left Breast: Right Breast: Pubic Area: A PERVERT!

For the gentlemen I envision boxers or briefs with a little larger triangular shield that covers the meat and two veggies as well as a thin rectangular strip that covers the butt crack from TSA agents with a queer eye for the straight guy if you know what I mean. Protest messages across that area of the underwear could include such time honored slogans as: “homo says what?”, “not here queer!” or “nice try fancy lad!” The butt crack strip slogans could be “not an entrance”, “exit only” or “Hershey Highway closed!” to just name a few of the infinite possibilities! Victoria’s Secret, Fruit of the Loom and Hanes; you have been given a gift for the new year, run with it! If you dear readers have any other ideas for protest slogans please e-mail them to us at: libertyfree1776@yahoo.com.  
   

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Miss Griffin Will Soon Grace Us With Her Prescence!

Kathy Griffin

Sun, February 19, 2012

Doors: 6:00 pm / Show: 7:30 pm Kathy Griffin

$44.50 - $46.00 - $51.00 reserved

CLICK HERE to view a reserved seating map of The Cotillion.

'Whatever' reigns supreme as most annoying word for the third year in a row
Last updated at 7:27 PM on 17th December 2011
To brush off the results of a recent poll that asserts the word 'whatever' was voted the most annoying word for the third year running would seemingly be the best tribute to the news.
A university in up state New York announced Friday that the dismissive 'whatever' continues to reign supreme in the common lexicon.
For the third year in a row, the Marist University poll asked 1,026 adults what the most grating word was from a five options.
Whatever took the cake with 38 per cent of the lot, though this is a drop of one point from last year, and even lower than it's high of 49 per cent in 2009.
While it clearly has staying power, some balked at the thought that 'whatever', a word made popular in the 1990s cult film Clueless, was truly the worst thing to come out of society's mouths over the past decade or so.
The respondents do not get to suggest the words that bother them the most, but rather are given five options decided upon by the university.
This year's options included the always-annoying 'like' which came in second with 20 per cent of the vote, followed shortly behind by 'you know' with 19 per cent.
'Just saying' and 'seriously' rounded up the group with 11 and 7 per cent respectively.
Last year, other options included 'to tell you the truth', 'you know what I mean', and 'actually'.
The inaugural class included 'it is what it is', 'anyway' and 'it is what it is'. 

Other annoying words or phrases: "I know, right?"  "What the fuck?" "brilliant" "genius" "You know what I mean?"
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2075508/Whatever-reigns-supreme-annoying-word-year-row.html

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Are You Sure About That?

Men don't really think about sex 'every seven seconds' - just 19 times a day

By Rob Waugh The Daily Mail
Last updated at 6:42 PM on 29th November 2011
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2067542/Men-dont-think-sex-seven-seconds-rest-easy--idea-myth-researchers-found.html

The old cliche is true - men DO think about sex more often than women - and researchers have proved it by sending students out into the world to 'log' what they are thinking about.
But the findings were a surprise. Men also think about sleeping, eating and other basic biological functions more than women - and any men who have spent the previous few decades worrying that they may not be 'manly' enough as they don't 'think about sex every seven seconds' can rest easy.
The average man thinks about sex 20 times a day or less, say researchers from Ohio State University. The people who think about sex most of all tend to be... people who are comfortable with the idea of sexuality itself.

'For a man to think about sex every six seconds, he would have to have 8,000 sexual thoughts a day - young men think about food almost as much as they think about sex'

The study suggests that men tend to think about physical needs more than women do - but those needs are often more prosaic ones, such as the need for a cheese sandwich or a nap.
The study actually sent students into the field to record what they were thinking about - and the researchers found that men focused on biological needs, such as eating and sleep more frequently than women do.
And the research discredits the persistent stereotype that men think about sex every seven seconds, which would amount to more than 8,000 thoughts about sex in 16 waking hours.
In the study, the median number of young men's thought about sex stood at almost 19 times per day.
Young women in the study reported a median of nearly 10 thoughts about sex per day.
As a group, the men also thought about food almost 18 times per day and sleep almost 11 times per day, compared to women's median number of thoughts about eating and sleep, at nearly 15 times and about 8 1/2 times, respectively.
The college-student participants carried a golf tally counter to track their thoughts about either eating, sleep or sex every day for a week. Each student was assigned to just one type of thought to record. Before receiving the tally counter, they had completed a number of questionnaires and were asked to estimate how often they had daily thoughts about eating, sleeping and sex.
Overall, a participant's comfort with sexuality was the best predictor for which person would have the most frequent daily thoughts about sex. 
'If you had to know one thing about a person to best predict how often they would be thinking about sex, you'd be better off knowing how they felt about sexuality, as opposed to knowing whether they were male or female,' said Terri Fisher, professor of psychology at Ohio State University's Mansfield campus and lead author of the study.
'Frequency of thinking about sex is related to variables beyond one's biological sex.'
Correcting this stereotype about men's sexual thoughts is important, Fisher noted.
'It's amazing the way people will spout off these fake statistics that men think about sex nearly constantly and so much more often than women do,' she said.
'When a man hears a statement like that, he might think there's something wrong with him because he's not spending that much time thinking about sexuality, and when women hear about this, if they spend significant time thinking about sex they might think there's something wrong with them.'

The study appears online and is scheduled for publication in the January issue of the Journal of Sex Research.
The study involved 163 female and 120 male college students between the ages of 18 and 25 who were enrolled in a psychology research participation program.
Of those, 59 were randomly assigned to track thoughts about food, 61 about sleep and 163 about sex. Most students were white and self-identified as heterosexual.
The college-student sample made it comparable to previous research and involved an age group at which gender differences in sexuality are likely at their peak. 
'There's really no good reason that our society should have believed that men are thinking so much more about sex than women'
Before the thought-tracking began, the participants completed a number of questionnaires.
These included a sexual opinion survey to measure a positive or negative emotional orientation toward sexuality; a sociosexual orientation inventory measuring attitudes about sex and tracking sexual behavior and levels of desire; a social desirability scale to measure respondents' tendency to try to appear socially acceptable; and an eating habits questionnaire and sleepiness scale.
They also were asked to estimate how many times in an average day that they thought about sleeping, eating and sex.
Researchers then gave each student a tally counter device and told those assigned to the sexual thoughts condition to click the device to maintain a count their of thoughts about sex.
They were told to count a thought about any aspect of sex: sexual activity of any kind, fantasies and erotic images, sexual memories and any arousing stimuli.
Others were instructed to use the device to record thoughts about eating that included food, hunger, cravings, snacking or cooking, and thoughts about sleep that included dreaming, sleeping, napping, going to bed or needing rest.
The questions about food and sleep were designed to mask the true intent of the study's focus on thoughts about sex, Fisher said. However, the results about these additional thoughts provided important information about differences in thinking among males and females.
'Since we looked at those other types of need-related thoughts, we found that it appears that there's not just a sex difference with regard to thoughts about sex, but also with regard to thoughts about sleep and food,' she said. 'That's very significant. This suggests males might be having more of these thoughts than women are or they have an easier time identifying the thoughts. It's difficult to know, but what is clear is it's not uniquely sex that they're spending more time thinking about, but other issues related to their biological needs, as well.'
In raw numbers, male participants recorded between one and 388 daily thoughts about sex, compared to the range of female thoughts about sex of between one and 140 times per day.
'For women, that's a broader range than many people would have expected. And there were no women who reported zero thoughts per day. So women are also thinking about sexuality,' Fisher said.
'People who always give socially desirable responses to questions are perhaps holding back and trying to manage the impression they make on others,' Fisher explained. 'In this case, we're seeing that women who are more concerned with the impression they're making tend to report fewer sexual thoughts, and that's because thinking about sexuality is not consistent with typical expectations for women.'
The participants' estimates about how often they thought each day about eating, sleeping and sex were all much lower than the actual number of thoughts they recorded. This suggested to Fisher that previous research in this area – especially on thoughts about sex – was weak because almost all previous studies were based on participants' retrospective estimates about how often they thought about sex.
'There's really no good reason that our society should have believed that men are thinking so much more about sex than women. Even the research that had been done previously doesn't support the stereotype that men are thinking about sex every seven seconds,' she said.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2067542/Men-dont-think-sex-seven-seconds-rest-easy--idea-myth-researchers-found.html#ixzz1fsFJjN4L

Our take:

Unfortunately men are from Mars and and average Mars day is equal to 12 Earth months!

Only 19 times a day? That is how often most men masturbate!

Only 19 times a day? The test subject men must be thinking about their wives and not their mistresses!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

The 999 Plan?

I guess we all know now or at least suspect that GOP Presidential candidate Herman Cain's 999 Tax Plan really stood for the $999 hush money he paid to Ginger White who says that she had a 13 year affair with Cain! Candidacy OVER!

A Poem About An Emotionally Disturbed Little Child

“Turd Boy”
Oh turd boy, oh turd boy
You make Mr. John so blue
when you do that thing you do
on the floor and on the walls of the time out room.
Oh turd boy, oh turd boy
What in the world is wrong with you?
Oh turd boy, oh turd boy
Miss Lara put you in time out
to work some things out
now without a doubt
you are not to whip “it” about
and paint the walls yellow or
pull your pants down and make the tile brown
you poor little fellow!
Oh turd boy, oh turd boy
What is going on inside of you?
Oh turd boy, oh turd boy
It makes me sad to think
that the reason for the stink
is that you were abused
by someone very bad
maybe it was your dad
or your mom chose to “use”
and you were damaged in the womb?
Oh little turd boy, dear little turd boy
my heart goes out to you! J




Monday, November 28, 2011

Breaking Dawn

A lady co-worker came up to me today and asked if my wife had had a seizure after seeing the new Twilight movie “Breaking Dawn”. I said what in the world are you talking about? She said that four women had suffered from seizures after seeing the new movie. I replied, seizure? No. Moist panties? Yes. Orgasm? Maybe!

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Fluffy Is Coming To ICT!

Comedy Central Presents:

Gabriel IglesiasGabriel Iglesias

Fri, May 18, 2012

Doors: 6:00 pm / Show: 7:00 pm


$40 Reserved

CLICK HERE to view a reserved seating map of The Cotillion.


Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Is Tom Mabe Pulling Our Leg?

Tom Mabe was on the Bob & Tom Show on Monday of this week. They played some of his new "pranks" off of his new CD. They played a "prank" where a telemarketer calls and Tom makes believe that she has called 911 emergency. The other one was entitled "butt dialing" where Tom accidently butt dials a friend when he is receiving a "happy ending" from someone. I thought they were pretty funny, but I cannot help but think that most of his pranks are staged. The most popular "prank" that Bob & Tom play on a revolving basis is where a telemarketer calls in and Mr. Mabe makes believe that it is a gruesome murder scene. I just don't buy it. I think the telemarketer would be much more upset and probably would have hung up in absolute shock. It is a jerk reaction. I could very well be wrong. What do you think dear reader?

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Crying At The Movies

A husband and wife are leaving a movie theater. The wife is crying, “that movie was just so touching, why don’t you ever cry at movies?” The husband replies, I cried before the movie when I was buying the $8 tickets, the $8 buckets of popcorn and the $8 soda’s!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Colored Flags

An elementary school principal makes the morning announcements, “children as you know we are about to start construction on a new cafeteria and three new classrooms. I am sure that you have noticed the construction workers here during recess getting ready to build. As you have seen there are red, blue and yellow flags being placed by these men to mark off the sewer, electrical and water lines that are under the ground. Please do not pull up these flags!” Later in the day the principal received an e-mail from the schools janitor:
Madam Principal Reed, I have a confession to make. I am the one that is pulling up the colored flags out on the playground. I am building a miniature golf course in my backyard for my wife as a birthday present. Ssshh!....it is a surprise. I am really sorry…….I hope that you can forgive me!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Bob and Tom Comedy All Stars Show Review

  The Bob and Tom Comedy All Stars hit the very windy ICT for an appearance at the Cotillion Ballroom last night. The evening was sponsored by KTHR 107.3 FM The Road which airs the nationally syndicated Bob and Tom Show Monday through Fridays from 5 am to 9 am central time in Wichita. http://www.bobandtom.com/  The mood of the crowd was festive as many saddled up to the bars for $20 buckets 'o' beer, assorted strong drinks and normal concert hall food. The crowd was an eclectic array of biker types, red necks, middle aged drunks, comedy nerds (like me) and even some senior citizens. The show was slated to start at 7:30 but was about 15 minutes late. Chick McGee kicked the evening off with a bit of a mean spirited joke towards the very Santa Claus looking JT, the host of KTHR's All Request Saturday Night. http://www.1073theroad.com/ Considering all the abuse that Chick has taken from Tom all these years a guy is bound to snap once in a while! Chick sparred with the audience for a few minutes which culminated with an in depth search of a ladies purse! Chick is my very favorite person on the radio show as we have very much in common; we are fans of losing NFL teams and have a need for anti-depressants! First up we had the infamous Donny Baker with his well known booze, mountain dew and weed infused rants about his Kentuckiana, boat selling, mullet and zumbas colored life. I "swear to God" the crowd really loved Donny Baker (played by B& T show member Ron Sexton).
  Shane Mauss then hit the stage with a cerebrally witty, tight and pretty funny set. Highlights included a story about his girlfirend playing with his butt in public places, homophobia, dogs, sex and a very funny one liner about...cancer! This young man is moving up in the ranks of stand-up comedy with a recent cd that Punchline magazine has rated as one of its Top 10 in 2010. http://www.punchlinemagazine.com/  We then had a visit from one of Bob & Tom's well known characters, Kenny Tarmac (also played by Ron Sexton) who "just landed at ICT, shooter". Kenny is that stereotypical annoying business traveler who is always talking the ears off of his fellow air travelers and using his cell phone as soon as the plane hits, well...the tarmac.
  The stunningly beautiful and talented April Macie graced the stage next. Her photos on the Bob and Tom website are well known but do not do her justice. She is way more attractive in person. April is a very very naughty girl! Her set consisted entirely of jokes on relationships, oral sex, male and female masturbation and the skunk head colored mohawk dude in the 4th row as well as some other victims in the 500+ crowd! Her set was a huge favorite of all the women in the crowd. The guys also laughed along begrudgingly. April's facial expressions during her set were priceless! I could easily see her as a cast member on Saturday Night Live sometime in the near future. She is that talented! http://www.aprilmacieishilarious.com/  We were then treated to a visit by Floyd The Over The Road Trucker (again played by the very talented Ron Sexton). Floyd is a stereotypical redneck trucker with an affinity for lot lizards, Charlie Daniels and the movie Urban Cowboy. Floyd told some his well known corny jokes and led us all in an accapella version of his hit song "Turtles and Whores". Floyd then introduced the headliner for this show, Tim Wilson. Tim is a big southern gentleman with a BOOMING voice and a LOUD acoustic electric guitar. Tim's set was nothing short of brilliant humor. I don't really go for the Blue Collar/Southern Fried Comedy tour type stuff, but Mr. Wilson is one of my absolute favorites! This man is a talented comedian and musician. Tim has also co-written a non-comedic book about the serial killer Ted Bundy entitled, "Happy New Year, Ted.  http://www.timwilsonamerica.com/ . Tim delighted the crowd with his intelligent commentaries about American culture, history and "the way things used to be" that included his tale about "Uncle B.S." Mr. Wilson had a wonderful give and take with the boisterous crowd that included a naive 16 year old boy that according to Tim "don't know nuthin" and "the guy in the back row tryin' to fuck up my comedy show". Mr. Wilson also had a very funny tagline that he used throughout his set, "your gonna learn something tonight". Tim sang many of his best known songs such as " The Sarah Palin Song", "Church League Softball Fist Fight" and "I Could Be Wrong" as well as his many dead-on musical impressions of Neil Young, Greg Allman and Lynyrd Skynyrd. Tim could easily be headlining bigger venues than the Cotillion but I think he enjoys the intimacy of the smaller venues. In my opinion this was the best set of the night!  After the show ended the entire cast made themselves available for a meet and greet. It is always nice to chat with your comedic hero's, buy some of their "merch" or get an autograph or photo taken. Thanks Bob and Tom for a really great Friday night in ICT!

Written by Shawn Scott at http://www.aircapitalcomedy.blogspot.com/ 
 

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Nick Swardson Call Yer Office!

Here is an idea sent along anonymously. It is an idea for a skit about the Penn State child molestation scandal. The scene is a boys shower in a middle school or YMCA. Several boys begin to sing a song "you don't give me showers, anymore" (a take off on the Barbara Streisand/ Neil Diamond song). While the boys are singing their part of the duet a dream sequence is shown of the boys point of view (very negative) that follow the words of the song, "you don't sing me love songs". As the boys sequence ends you then see Jerry Sandusky up in a tree wearing camouflage and face paint. He is holding binoculars and peering through them looking at the boys showering with Penn State towels over their shoulders! Jerry then begins to sing the Neil Diamond part of the duet, except his chorus of the song goes, "I don't give you showers anymore" and a different dream sequence from Jerry's point of view (very positive) follow the words of the song. As Jerry is singing the last line of the song, "I don't give you showers.......sniff sniff tears cry.......anymore", you see the police arrive to get Jerry out of the tree and arrest him.    The end. Too soon? E-mail us and let us know. Nick are you reading this?

Disclaimer: We of course do not condone child abuse in any form. We are just trying to find humor in an absolutely terrible atrocity! If you see something wrong going on between an adult and a child, REPORT IT TO THE POLICE! Don't just tell your superiors and hope they do something about it. BE PROACTIVE! Go to  http://www.rainn.org/ or http://www.missingkids.com/  for more information. 

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The Chickster Is Coming To ICT This Friday!

We need to sell this out! Support Stand Up Comedy In Wichita:

BUSCH LIGHT

Bob & Tom Comedy All-Stars

April Macie

Shane Mauss

Tim Wilson

Chick McGee

Donnie Baker, Kenny Tarmac, Floyd the Trucker

Fri, November 18, 2011

Doors: 6:00 pm / Show: 7:30 pm


$29.50 reserved

CLICK HERE to view a reserved seating map of The Cotillion.


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Bob & Tom Redux: Old Timey Barber Shop

Tom got back on the topic of haircuts and old timey barbershops when he was a kid. I have a few recollections myself. We used to frequent the Indian Hills Barber Shop that was located in what would now be called a strip mall (about 4 blocks from our house). As you entered the first thing you would notice is the bell on the door. The second was the smell of Aqua-Velva, hair cream, witch hazel and cigarettes. The barber chairs had armrests with fliptop ashtrays in them for goodness sake! The floors and windows were kinda dirty like a man's garage or basement workshop. A tv was hanging in one corner and it always had a sporting event or fishing show on it. I swear our barber probably was a bookie on the side and sold moonshine out of the back of his Chrysler. He had a display case below the wall of mirrors that I swear had knives and firearms for sale! Our barber would openly display Playboy along with Field & Stream and Hot Rod magazine. The trick for me as a pre-adolescent boy was to pick up the Field & Stream browse it for a bit and while no one was looking (my Dad most of all) slip the Playboy inside it. This was my first look at the wonderland that is the nude female body and at that moment I knew I liked girls! Cecil would never give you the haircut you wanted or asked for, but he would give you what he thought looked good instead to his aging eyes. It was a simpler time when you only had to worry about being "sanduskied" in the church basement!