6 Times The Onion Had People Completely Fooled
by Kathy Benjamin - March 31, 2012 - 12:33 AM

Photo credit: Flickr user Afraid of Ducks
The site Literally Unbelievable showcases normal people on Facebook who have been duped by satirical articles from The Onion. But every now and then those misunderstandings have real world consequences.

1. “Study Finds Every Style of Parenting Produces Disturbed, Miserable Adults”

Last year The Onion ran this article, in which the very real Californian Parenting Institute was “quoted” about a “study” they did that found that no matter your parenting style, it produces unhappy adults. The article quoted lead researcher Daniel Porter as saying:
“Despite great variance in parenting styles across populations, the end product is always the same: a profoundly flawed and joyless human being.”
As the article was passed around the internet and lost its attribution, parents who read it became concerned. The real-life organization was inundated with calls and emails, and even some people who worked there thought the satirical blurb was real, asking the executives when the study had been conducted. The Institute was finally forced to send out a press release stating the obvious: good parenting can lead to great things for kids and adults.

2. “Congress Threatens To Leave D.C. Unless New Capitol Is Built”

In 2002, the Beijing Evening News mistakenly reran this Onion article as fact. Thanks to the gaffe, their circulation of 1.25 million people thought that, like an unhappy sports team, Congress was threatening to leave the District of Columbia unless a new, improved Capitol building was built.
The Onion‘s article included the mocked-up blueprint for the proposed new building and fake quotes from then-House Speaker Dennis Hastert like, “The hard reality is, [the Capitol building is] no longer suitable for a world-class legislative branch. The sight lines are bad, there aren’t enough concession stands or bathrooms, and the parking is miserable.”
When informed that the article was a spoof, the editor of the newspaper was surprised, telling Reuters that the reporter who covered the story was “pretty reliable.” The editor also said he would have to check to make sure the story was false, but if it was he was “sure there would be some form of correction.”

3. “Harry Potter Books Spark Rise in Satanism Among Children”

Back in 2000, people weren’t as familiar with The Onion. This led to mass confusion over an article that some insist is accurate to this day. The “Harry Potter is Satanic” fear, if not started by The Onion, was hugely fanned by it. The original article, with the paper’s classic blend of completely over the top satire, talked about how the books were introducing kids to Satan.
The article claimed to quote children who had been introduced to magic through the books:
“Harry Potter books showed me that magic is real, something I can learn and use right now, and that the Bible is nothing but boring lies.”
“Hermione is my favorite, because she’s smart and has a kitty,” said 6-year-old Jessica Lehman of Easley, SC. “Jesus died because He was weak and stupid.”
It also quoted “High Priest Egan of the First Church of Satan in Salem, MA”:
“Harry is an absolute godsend to our cause. An organization like ours thrives on new blood—no pun intended—and we’ve had more applicants than we can handle lately. And, of course, practically all of them are virgins, which is gravy.”
These fake quotes were themselves quoted for YEARS in chain emails and on sites like WorldNetDaily as proof that 20 million children were worshiping the devil thanks to indoctrination by some entertaining young adult literature. The claim became so widespread that finally J.K. Rowling herself was forced to weigh in on how absurd it was.

4. “Conspiracy Theorist Convinces Neil Armstrong Moon Landing Was Faked”

In 2009, two separate Bangladesh newspapers reprinted this story about the moon landings being faked. The Daily Manab Zami, the largest circulated tabloid in the country, and New Nation were both forced to apologize after they ran an article about Neil Armstrong holding a press conference after he realized the moon landings he participated in never actually happened.
Armstrong is quoted as crediting conspiracy theorists for his epiphany:
“It took only a few hastily written paragraphs published by this passionate denier of mankind’s so-called ‘greatest technological achievement’ for me to realize I had been living a lie.”
According to BBC News, the editors of both papers admitted they had never heard of The Onion before and issued a retraction. One editor said, “The truth is that Neil Armstrong never gave such an interview. It was made up. We are sorry for publishing the report without checking the information.”

5. “Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex”

Possibly the greatest article confusion was over Planned Parenthood’s alleged $8 billion “Abortionplex.” The article included such gems as a banner reading “No Life is Sacred” and quotes from PP’s president:
“The Abortionplex’s high-tech machinery is capable of terminating one pregnancy every three seconds…That’s almost a million abortions every month. We’re so thrilled!”
The article went viral, in part because of how many people thought it was real. It was this article that led to the creation of Literally Unbelievable. So if you read the article in May of 2011 during the debate over the funding of Planned Parenthood, and you weren’t familiar with The Onion, it might be a tiny bit understandable if you got confused.
But sadly, even after the article became famous for being fake, people are still getting duped. In February of this year, a Congressman (or one of his staffers) posted it on his official Facebook page. John Fleming, a Republican Congressman from Louisiana, linked the article on his wall with the comment “More on Planned Parenthood, abortion by the wholesale.” News outlets covered the gaffe and the post has since been removed.

6. “Congress Takes Group of Schoolchildren Hostage”

This last example isn’t quite like the others. In September of last year, a pair of tweets from The Onion caused a minor panic in Washington. Without linking to the satirical article it was referencing, The Onion tweeted, “BREAKING: Witnesses reporting screams and gunfire heard inside Capitol building.” A second tweet sometime later that said “BREAKING: Capitol building being evacuated. 12 children held hostage by group of armed congressmen #CongressHostage” also failed to link to the article. Finally, a third tweet gave the game away, linking to a short blurb about Congressmen taking children hostage in the Capitol and threatening to shoot one per hour until they received $12 trillion in cash.
The Onion’s tweets resulted in an investigation by Capitol police regarding the legality of posting such comments on Twitter. They also released a statement assuring the public it was not true and that “conditions at the U.S. Capitol are currently normal.”

Read the full text here: http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/122056#ixzz1qhaNNQap
--brought to you by mental_floss!

The Future of Funny: How Old and New Media Collaborate on Comedy

  Christine Erickson 

Comedy has undergone a transformation over the past few years thanks to digital and social media. From standup comedians breaking out on Twitter to television networks adapting to new viewer habits — there’s a blending of old and new media that’s thrown all the old rules of production and talent out the window.
We’re beginning to see production and distribution of content take alternative routes, as Louis C.K. and Aziz Ansari set the bar for others to follow.

However, that’s not to say old media isn’t keeping up. Many network shows now include hashtags to encourage the conversation on the “second screen,” and comedians provide additional commentary on Twitter when a show airs. Erik Flannigan, EVP of digital media at Viacom Entertainment Group, says the result has made first-run TV time slots relevant again in the age of DVR.
“Whether that show was shot six months ago or not, when it airs, especially if you know the talent’s on the other side, suddenly there’s this moment where you do want to watch it on television live, not necessarily on your DVR. Because there’s a conversation happening with essentially some additional material from that talent that you might be missing out on if you waited to watch it the next day.”
Alternatively, comedians are beginning to reap the benefits from their casual acts on social media. Flannigan says that some comedians already have graduated from Twitter to the tube.
SEE ALSO: How Twitter Is Changing The Craft of Comedy
Rob Delaney is often identified as a talent discovered on Twitter. The comedian landed a pilot with Comedy Central which revolved around his take on the current Twitter trends.

@robdelaney

If you leave your baby unattended, I'm going to sniff it. I'll tell you that right now.

15 Mar 12

“Social media certainly brings people to our attention, no doubt about it, ” says Comedy Central’s SVP of talent and specials, Jonas Larsen. “It’s an emerging state for sure, but it’s definitely important how we use it in our search for talent.”
Delaney is among several others who’ve been nominated for “Funniest Person on Twitter” — a new category at this year’s Comedy Awards. According to Larsen, comedians have in some ways become “the new rock stars,” and attributes that directly to social media.

SEE ALSO: Twitter Comedy: How to Be Funny in 140 Characters
Comedian and Nerdist founder Chris Hardwick says social and digital media have turned the web into the new demotape, changing the game completely from what it was 20 years ago.
“It’s a bottom-up system, where the old media was very top-down,” says Hardwick. “Like, three companies would tell the world who they should find entertaining, and now anyone can be exposed to the world and show their talent because of the Internet. It seems obvious, but it literally has completely changed the structure of how we get and consume media.”
Viral content has become so powerful to major companies, it often equates to the same level of validation as a nod from the companies themselves — in other words, power in numbers has become equally as important as exclusivity.
“Now, everyone can be displayed into the world, so the challenge is how do you rise above the noise,” Hardwick says. “I think ultimately if you care about what you’re doing and you’re good at it, you will.”

---

The New Heart Of Dick Cheney

1. How many kittens had to DIE so Dick Cheney could get a new heart?

2. Former VP Dick Cheney has undergone a heart transplant, he actually has one for the first time now.

3. Former VP Dick Cheney gets a heart transplant, now we know why government scientists have been  keeping those aliens alive at Area 51.

4. Dick Cheney has gotten a new heart, its funny the Democrats always claimed he didn't have one.

5. Dick Cheney has undergone a heart transplant, conspiracy theorists claim that it is the heart of a dead enemy combatant.

WE ARE WICHITAWESOME JIMMY!

Funny Photo Of The Week

Oh Patrick!

Pat Robertson believes Peyton Manning should get hurt this year 

By Chris Chase | Shutdown Corner on Yahoo! Sports

If Pat Robertson's vision of theological payback comes true, Peyton Manning will be injured this season as retribution for the Denver Broncos getting rid of Tim Tebow.
The televangelist was speaking recently on "The 700 Club," which is apparently still on television. He recited Tebow's accolades from the 2011 season and wondered whether the Broncos were tempting fate by leaving him off their 2012 ark.

"And you just ask yourself," Robertson said, "OK, so Peyton Manning was a tremendous MVP quarterback, but he's been injured. If that injury comes back, Denver will find itself without a quarterback. And in my opinion, it would serve them right."
Hey, what did Peyton do? He went to the team that wanted him the most. The Broncos were the ones who cast their wandering eyes elsewhere and besmirched the sanctity of the quarterback-franchise marriage! Wish a locust attack on the team or pray that Denver has to go play Detroit in a literal Lions den.

If any individual deserves a smiting, it's John Elway. Turn him into a pillar of salt! He's the one who cast Tebow out to the wilderness of eastern New Jersey, where he'll wander in the Meadowlands for 40 games and part traffic on the Turnpike.

IMHO by Tad Jonger

Top 10 Gayest Bands/Artists Ever
(not that there’s anything wrong with it)

1. Culture Club – Do you really want to hurt me? Yes I kinda do! I am just kidding, I really just want you to continue to revel in your own obscurity Boy George. Please no re-union tour, guys!

2. Duran Duran – Please please tell me now is there something I should know and that is……we are ALL queers! Well most of your are I am pretty sure.......

3. Kajagoogoo – What Quagmire would say during an orgasm if he were gay, giggity.

4. Spandau Ballet – winners of the gayest band name contest?

5. Bauhaus – European slang for a bath house?

6. Right Said Fred – Yes too sexy for your (fishnet mesh sleeveless) shirt and too sexy for an actual female mommy part!

7. Judas Priest – Yes, Rob Halford is a pitcher and not a catcher. I finally figured out that the leather and chains thing was not cool macho-biker tough but sado-masochism Village People GAY! I am SHOCKED the Priest was gay!

8. The Cure – Robert……he looks like a flaming version of “The Joker”.  

9. Loverboy – As much as they tried to be macho rockers, they just seemed really gay to me! Mike Reno has to be a butt pirate with those red leather pants and headband.

10. Billy Squire – The “Take Me in Your Arms” video basically killed his career. The pink blouse and prancing around were just too much for everyone including me. Nuff said.

From The Art Of Manliness

The Walt Kowalski Toolbox

Posted By Brett & Kate McKay March 12, 2012 

 http://artofmanliness.com/2012/03/12/the-walt-kowalski-toolbox/print

“Take these three items right here. You can have this. WD-40, vise grips, and some duct tape. Any man worth his salt can do half the household chores with just those three things.” -Walt Kowalski

The other day I sat down to watch Gran Torino ^[1] for the first time, and boy was it awesome. While there are plenty of great lessons in manliness that I took away from the film (look for a post on that hopefully in the near future) one scene that stuck out to me was when Clint Eastwood’s character, Walt Kowalski, showed his young neighbor and protege, Thao, his workshop. When Thao lamented that he’d never be able to put together such an impressive collection of tools, the grizzled Korean War vet introduced the young man to what I’m calling the “Walt Kowalski Toolbox.”
The Walt Kowalski Toolbox consists of just three things: WD-40, vise grips, and a roll of duct tape. According to old Walt, “Any man worth his salt can do half the household chores with just those three things.”

To showcase the power and utility of the Walt Kowalski Toolbox, below we give a short primer on each item and highlight a few of the many things you can do with them.

WD-40

The different uses for WD-40 are legion, and its versatility has made it a DIY legend. Created in 1953 by the Rocket Chemical Company to prevent corrosion on metals, its development was a task so difficult it took chemist Norm Larsen several dozen attempts to get the formula just right. If you’ve ever wondered what WD-40 stands for, it’s “Water Displacement, 40th attempt,” indicating that the formula we know and love today was Larsen’s 40th try at creating a water-displacing fluid. Aerospace engineers found the final product so handy, they started sneaking the stuff home, and the Rocket Chemical Company soon saw the wisdom in selling it in stores to the general population.
In the decades since WD-40 hit shelves in 1958, consumers have found a myriad of uses for it; WD-40′s official website has a list of over 2,000 uses for the stuff ^[2]. Such as:

• Removes and protects rust from metal tools like saws, hammers, and wrenches
• Loosens rusty nuts and screws
• Lubricates rusty hinges, chains, and bearings. Basically, if something squeaks, apply WD-40.
• Cleans lawnmower blades and the bottoms of cast iron skillets
• Removes splattered bugs from the front of your car
• Drives the moisture out of just about anything–electrical wiring, locks, bearings, bike chains…
• Cleans the gunk out of pistons and bearings

Vise Grip

Vise grips are adjustable pliers that you can lock in place, and they come in handy when you need an extra hand but only have your own two mitts to work with. Vice grips work great for removing stubborn nuts and screws, and are an incredibly versatile tool that can be employed as:

• Pliers
• Pipe wrench
• Adjustable wrench
• Wire cutters
• Ratchet
• Clamp
• Hammer (in a pinch!)

Duct Tape

Ah, duct tape. Strong, flexible, durable….what can’t you do with it? Entire books ^[3] and Mythbusters episodes ^[4] have been dedicated to this modern marvel. Red Green ^[5] called duct tape “the handyman’s secret weapon” (Steve Smith, the comedian who plays Green, actually put out a movie back in 2002 called Duct Tape Forever). While there is some dispute about the origin of duct tape, the generally accepted version of events is that it was invented back in 1942 by Johnson and Johnson to act as a sealing tape for soldiers’ ammunition boxes. The tape was created by attaching multiple layers of adhesive to a polyethylene-coated cloth backing. The result was a tape so durable, tear-able and water-resistant, GIs ended up using it to fix everything from their guns to their aircraft.
After the war, homebuilders and HVAC service providers started using duct tape to connect heating and air conditioning ducts together (modern HVAC manufacturers don’t recommend this practice). In the 1960s, duct tape joined the space age by becoming a regular on Apollo missions. Its most famous use was during the failed Apollo 13 mission, when it was utilized in jury-rigging the lunar module’s CO₂ scrubbers.
Here back on earth, duct tape can also be used in the following situations, along with many, many more:

• A temporary patch on a car hose or PVC pipe in your home
• Patch holes in your tent or water resistent clothing
• Unclog a sink ^[6]
• Secure frames on broken eyeglasses
• Repair a cracked fishing pole or laptop shell (I know about the former from experience)

So how do you know which of the above tools you should use for a particular problem? Well just remember the old saying: “If it doesn’t move, and it should, use WD-40.  If it moves, and it shouldn’t, use duct tape.” And I guess if that fails, see if the vise grips will help!
The Walt Kowalski toolbox is a great starter’s DIY kit for the young man beginning to try his hand at fixing things himself. When you’re ready to add a few more tools to your supply, throw in a hammer, some pliers, and a Philips screwdriver, and you’ll be able to tackle most of the other half of household chores that these items can’t fix. And you’ll be well on your way to having a man’s well-stocked toolbox.  ^[7]

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Number 18 in the Mile High City

So Peyton Manning has decided to go to the Dover Buncos?  This is just what I needed as a Kansas City Chiefs fan, two more guaranteed losses this season. I cannot really say much against it though, the Chiefs did sign Joe Montana in 1992 and he took them to the AFC Championship against Buffalo in 1993.  Peyton what was wrong with the 49ers, Titans or Texans? They are all fine teams and do not reside in the AFC West for heaven’s sake! As a God fearing man did you take into account what this was going to do to his other son, Timothy? (Now it looks like Mr. Tebow is headed to the Jets or Jaguars.)  Mr. Manning, you do realize that in Denver you will have to play outdoors in the cold, rain and snow, right? And do you further realize that you will have to travel to Oakland once a year…on purpose? Peyton, welcome to the AFC West, the worst division in professional football!    posted by Shawn Scott

Don't Get Political!

Who I Do Not Want As My Next President

Newt baby, I need to level with you on this. A majority of the American people do not like your baby Huey head with that pompous ass smirk on your face and your general tone of condescension when being interviewed on cable news outlets. We the voters do not like your wacky ideas about colonizing the moon or bombing yet another Middle Eastern country and starting a trade war with China. We may not like President Obama at all but we like you even less! I am sorry I had to be the one to tell you this.

Ricky baby, l need to level with you on this. Anyone with a last name that is also an urban slang term for that frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is a byproduct of anal sex will never be our next president. And considering the fact that you feel the need to be the moral conscience of the country and you do not like the “libertine” nature of some peoples sex lives is a real no go for me. Your blood thirstiness towards the Persian people is also very alarming considering that the U.S. has hundreds if not thousands of nuclear missiles and Iran has yet to build even one but you still want to carpet bomb their country! Rick I know the truth hurts but someone had to tell you and your altar boy ego.

Mitt baby, I need to level with you on this you silly plastic man. I have seen all the You Tube videos where you have changed your position 180 degrees on almost every issue since you were governor of Massachusetts, not to mention that you are a shameless man whore when it comes to being in bed with the crony capitalists of Wall Street. They are the same guys in cahoots with the crooks in D.C. that told us all that it was raining when in actuality they were pissing down our backs in 2008. Remember the financial crash? The American middle class will NEVER forget it. Mitt I am sorry I had to be the one to tell you this.

Barak, I need to level with you on this. You got this job as a junior Senator from Illinois and I do not know if it was your huge messianic ego or all the people that were handling you that thought they could really help you but I bet you had NO IDEA how hard it was going to be as president. I will say I did not vote for you in 2008 but I do think you are probably the hippest prez in the history of the country. Unfortunately, your presidency will go down as much of a failure as Jimmy Carter’s administration; the economy has not been fixed, healthcare is even worse than before and we are still at war in Afghanistan. You look tired Mr. Obama and I bet you would like to just get on a plane and go back to Chicago. I am sorry I had to be the one to tell you this, but unless the GOP nominates Congressman Ron Paul, you WILL have to serve another four years!

Posted by Shawn Scott    on Twitter @ShawnScott14

Recent Tweets!

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My cat Jasmine likes to lick herself "down there" way way too much. Does that make her a lesbian?

Men don't cry unless they are kicked in the balls and then they only throw up!

I am now officially a bisexual, I was finger f*cked by a man today.......had my first prostate exam.......ouch!

@ShawnScott14

Funny Photo Of The Week!

IMHO by Tad Jonger

Ten Overrated Rock Bands/Musicians

1.    U2 – yes they are a good band, but a GREAT band? I think not. I still haven’t found what you are looking for U2 fans!

2.    Elvis Presley – I know that he was “The King”, but the king of what, mediocre  music? I was never able to get into his sound old or new. Perhaps the most overrated artist ever?

3.    Bruce Springsteen – known as “The Boss”, but more like an assistant manager. I like his early stuff with the E Street Band but after that, boring! Pete Seeger and Bob Dylan have already done it much earlier and better!

4.    The Doors – America’s greatest rock and roll band? Nope. I like them, but I don’t love them!  How many songs can you write about the road, trying to bed some chick or killing your whole family?

5.    Coldplay – we all liked “Clocks”, but only for about three weeks!

6.    The Grateful Dead – yes they are really good when you are listening to them while drunk, high or tripping but when you are sober, NOT! I feel the same thing about the band Phish and Blues Traveler.

7.    The Beach Boys – yes surfing is one of the coolest sports on the planet, but basing your entire music career around it? They may have been recording technique pioneers, but endless summer? How about endless monotony?

8.    Green Day – yes they were THE ground breaking power pop band that pretended to be punk but you will never be as good as the real thing: The Sex Pistols or The Clash.

9.    The Smashing Pumpkins – a band that has based their career on whining about how life supposedly sucks! I don’t get the appeal of depressing music like this. Life is too short for this pap.

10. REM – yes they had a few catchy tunes like “Orange Crush” and “The End of the World as We Know It” but I cannot understand the devoted fandom for this band much less having to sit through a concert of theirs. Yes, I know they broke up!



I Am A Cheapskate!

You know I think I was abandoned as a child by Jewish gypsies because I am really cheap and always try to save a penny or a length of pipe whenever possible. Only suckers pay retail, and I try my damndest never to do that. I buy my clothes and shoes at thrift stores ala the High Plains Thrifter, Jon Evans. Now, I do not buy used underwear or socks at the thrift store as I don’t wish to catch scabies, taint rot or some new strain of foot fungus. Wal-Mart sells socks and underwear by the pound so that’s where I go. Now as cheap as I am I have never bought condoms at my favorite dollar store. Why would anyone buy condoms at a dollar store and be confident that you could trust the reliability of the product? Ok, so you save $3 dollars on a box of 12 condoms and only two of them were bad. It just happens to be the two that you used on your girlfriend or wife last weekend and you think one may have slipped past the goalie. Do you go back to the dollar store now and buy a pregnancy test? “Oh honey look it is negative, we have nothing to worry about….yeah I know you missed your period and you’re throwing up in the morning but that’s probably just a seasonal flu, take some Thera-flu and go to bed early, I will call the doctor in the morning!” I also cannot get into buying one ply toilet paper as you might as well be using your hand because that is what ends up going through the paper and cleaning your back side! Left for wiping and right for shaking hands or is it the other way around? I will never be visiting southwest Asia so I guess I do not have to worry about it. Have you ever bought snack food at a dollar store? It usually is not a name brand, more like “Uncle Bill’s Snak Mix” or “Gourmet Party Mix” and has been salted out of actually having any kind of a good taste! I get my sodium intake for one year by eating just one serving! I saw an older lady the other day that came into my favorite Dollar Tree and she was pushing a baby carriage, but it wasn’t one of those that a grandchild would be riding in, more of a toy baby carriage for a doll. I had to do a double take, either that is a horribly deformed and hairy child or it’s a……dog! She was pushing her pet in a baby dolls carriage; it was a toy dog, a therapy dog, a retail therapy dog! No mental issues there, right?   Posted by Shawn Scott

More Political Lenoisms!

JAY LENO ON THE DEVIL AND RICK SANTORUM: "Rick Santorum has said that Satan has his sights set on the United States of America. Today Satan said he tries to avoid politics because it makes him feel dirty." -- Jay Leno, Feb. 22, 2012.

JAY LENO ON WHITE HOUSE FEARS: "President Obama said he understands that rising prices are making people worried and fearful. Especially in his re-election campaign. They're really fearful. " -- Jay Leno, Feb. 23, 2012.

Too Soon?

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