I Am A Cheapskate!

You know I think I was abandoned as a child by Jewish gypsies because I am really cheap and always try to save a penny or a length of pipe whenever possible. Only suckers pay retail, and I try my damndest never to do that. I buy my clothes and shoes at thrift stores ala the High Plains Thrifter, Jon Evans. Now, I do not buy used underwear or socks at the thrift store as I don’t wish to catch scabies, taint rot or some new strain of foot fungus. Wal-Mart sells socks and underwear by the pound so that’s where I go. Now as cheap as I am I have never bought condoms at my favorite dollar store. Why would anyone buy condoms at a dollar store and be confident that you could trust the reliability of the product? Ok, so you save $3 dollars on a box of 12 condoms and only two of them were bad. It just happens to be the two that you used on your girlfriend or wife last weekend and you think one may have slipped past the goalie. Do you go back to the dollar store now and buy a pregnancy test? “Oh honey look it is negative, we have nothing to worry about….yeah I know you missed your period and you’re throwing up in the morning but that’s probably just a seasonal flu, take some Thera-flu and go to bed early, I will call the doctor in the morning!” I also cannot get into buying one ply toilet paper as you might as well be using your hand because that is what ends up going through the paper and cleaning your back side! Left for wiping and right for shaking hands or is it the other way around? I will never be visiting southwest Asia so I guess I do not have to worry about it. Have you ever bought snack food at a dollar store? It usually is not a name brand, more like “Uncle Bill’s Snak Mix” or “Gourmet Party Mix” and has been salted out of actually having any kind of a good taste! I get my sodium intake for one year by eating just one serving! I saw an older lady the other day that came into my favorite Dollar Tree and she was pushing a baby carriage, but it wasn’t one of those that a grandchild would be riding in, more of a toy baby carriage for a doll. I had to do a double take, either that is a horribly deformed and hairy child or it’s a……dog! She was pushing her pet in a baby dolls carriage; it was a toy dog, a therapy dog, a retail therapy dog! No mental issues there, right?   Posted by Shawn Scott